Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Being Released

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I think it’s fair to say women with a submissive side tend to be highly loyal. Consider what a sub does – she gives up control to her Dom. Seriously, think about that for a minute. There is a real sacrifice on the part of the sub, and this creates a special bond that cannot be taken lightly.

Therefore, it only makes sense; it’s not easy when that bond is broken. Let’s say that at some point in a relationship, a Dom decides that a particular sub is not the right girl for him. He releases her - the equivalent to a break-up. However, because of the very nature of submission, the heartache is even MORE INTENSE than with vanilla relationships.

Here she was, giving up all control willingly – and even after such a sacrifice, she gets dumped.
By the same token, if the Dom wasn’t truly feeling it, you can’t blame him. One week a Dom is taking a belt to a sub’s ass, and the next week he has to explain “this is not really going to work.” Often, there’s a feeling of betrayal on the part of the sub, and feeling of guilt on the part of the Dom.

Break-ups suck. Being released, or asking for release is never easy.

Tricks of the Trade

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The good news is – society has come a long way, as far acceptance of BDSM. The bad news is – there’s still a long way to go. Twenty years ago things were even more conservative than they are today. In my 20s, I had to be careful about divulging my interest in BDSM. Some people confused it with abuse. Therefore I had to find clever sneaky ways to determine if a girl had a submissive side. This way, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t freak out and start a bunch of ignorant rumors about me.

Some people are lucky enough to be ‘open’ about living the lifestyle. Others of us must be discreet, particularly if you need to do so for the sake of your career. Personally, I believe each couple must determine if they want to be open or private about their lifestyle choice.

Okay so this commentary explores a trick for single male Doms to determine if a girl has a submissive side.  And then, a trick for single women to see if a guy has a Dominant side. (This first trick was told to me by a very experienced sub, when I was a Dom in my early 20s, and I used it for years.)

For the guys: when you are having sex with a girl…take a hold of her wrists (not her hands, but her wrists) and bring them up above her head.  Pin them there…very high over her head.  Stretch her arms. It’s that simple. The reaction will be very polarizing.  She will clearly react in one of two ways.  Either, she will look at you with a strange look, as if to say “WTF?”  Or, she will moan, push her breasts up toward you as if to say “take me, I’m yours”.  The difference will black or white.  She will either totally encourage you, or be utterly confused.  If she responds positively the green light is open to explore BDSM. If she looks at you strange, just casually release her wrists, and pretend nothing happened. She’ll forget about it by the time she cums. And you did nothing significant enough to incriminate yourself.

For the girls: (This trick was also told to me by a female sub). What she does is this: early on, when she’s on a date…she intentionally forgets her cell in the house, and just as they are leaving the driveway, she says 'stop'.  Of course, she has to go back in the house to get her phone. Once she returns to the car she says “sorry about that, you can give me a spanking later.”  She says it very playfully, as if joking around.  Now – if the guy is Dom, trust me…he will NOT FORGET her comment. Later, when he drops her off (even if it's many hours later) – he will reference the spanking.  If he has no Dom blood, he won’t remember her earlier comment.  I've been told this trick truly works.  If the guy mentions the spanking at the end of the night, he is Dom.  If not, no luck.