Sunday, 11 September 2016

What Exactly is a Real Dom?

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I often see discussion in social media around the topic of, ‘What is a Real Dom?

Obviously we know that Dom is short for Dominant – someone, male or female (Domme), who wants to be on the controlling side of a consensual sexual power exchange. (I say sexual, otherwise it would include people with a dominant personality, which is different of course).

So, how does one define a ‘real’ Dom?

Is it based on how many sexual experiences the person had? How many asses he spanked? So, if a guy engaged in BDSM sex with 10 different women is that finally enough that he can call himself a real Dom? Or, does he need to have dominated 30 women? I started early, and experienced a lot in my pre-marriage years. Does this “history” automatically qualify me? Meh, I don’t think so.

Instead, is it based on his knowledge of the using the various toys/instruments? So, if a guy knows how to use a deer skin flogger versus a riding crop, is that it? He must have had to dabble with bondage, spreader bars, Wartenberg wheels, hot wax, tens, etc. I’d say nah. Just because someone can use the instruments, doesn’t make him/her a Dom/Domme.

Or, is it based on his interaction with others in the ‘community’. There was a period in my life when I attended munches and fet nights? Does that make me a Dom? Simply because I went to events with other kinksters? I don’t think so. To be honest, a lot of the people seemed like cartoon characters to me.

Is it longevity? If a person lived the ‘lifestyle” for ten years, does that makes him real? Is it an age thing? No way.

What if a Dom with lots of past experience, lots of history, and good knowledge goes through a ten year period where his priorities change? He focuses on raising his kids, advancing his career, building a home, and BDSM must be put on the back burner. Does that mean he is now LESS of a Dom? Absolutely not.

Therefore…what if…

A real Dom is defined by a combination of all those things – experience, knowledge, history, tenure – but ALSO, the right mindset. Yes, the right attitude. (This is where a lot of Doms fuck up and get labeled as ‘FAKE’.

In my person experience, real Doms are defined by:
1. A lack of arrogance. They are quietly self assured and don’t need to flaunt anything. When someone broadcasts it – often – that’s a sign of a wanna-be/poser.

2. Unwavering politeness. A real Dom doesn’t have to act “bossy”. Never mistake someone who is polite for someone who is weak. Those are two very different things.

3. Integrity. And we look for integrity in others too.

4. Respect and admiration for submissives. We follow the ‘safe, sane and consensual’ credo.

Sunday, 10 January 2016

New BDSM novel:

While the original and primary purpose of this blog was never to sell books, I can't help but showcase my brand new novel - 'Pleasure, Pain or Purpose' since it is now available for sale on Amazon.

First of all, here is the cover designed by my incredible PA, True Texan.  (In only a few days, the book has earned more than 25 reviews. Please read a few.)

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Pleasure, Pain or Purpose is the story of three best friends.

When everything seems perfect, that’s when a curve ball is likely waiting around the corner. Biljana Stevens’ blissful life is derailed after the sudden death of her cherished David. Now a lonely submissive, she travels the world with a crushed heart.

A contradiction all her life, Jasmin Stallworth loved Barbies; but she also loved baseball with the boys. Now an undercover cop, Jasmine has a penchant for risk: kinky risk. Will she put her career on the line and her life in danger to satisfy her hunger?

Vicky Knox and her husband Andrew were compatible, but she longed for more than a roommate. Why can’t the magic and enthusiasm always so plentiful in the early stages of a relationship, last a lifetime? Married life became mundane. Until rough sex and a password changed everything.

Together the three friends help each other navigate life, loss and love. Oh, and kinky sex...very kinky sex.

DISCLAIMER: This story contains BDSM. While fully consensual, it includes submission and dominance. Please do NOT buy or read this if you are offended by graphic sexual descriptions. All characters are aged 25+, and it is recommended for an adult audience ONLY (aged 21+). This story is pure fiction and the author does not condone any violent behavior.

Amazon link:   
Pleasure Pain or Purpose